Aftermath
by abject.thread
Summary: When you are stretched to your limits, when you have nothing left to give, how do you go on? A series of one-shots about the moments that come after a mission. Some happy, some angst. Enjoy :) All Shenko, beware of some language.
1. Chapter 1

Shepard stumbled toward her cabin, clutching at the door frame in an effort to keep her whole body from lurching into the wall. Her boots were leaden on her feet and dragged along the floor as she moved further into the room and the door hissed shut behind her, a quiet word locking it behind her. One greave fell to the floor, then a shoulder guard, a crack spanning the length of the carbon fibre from where she had hit the concrete hard and deep scrapes from being dragged along the ground. The other followed, then the sharp snaps of upper arm guards as they were unsealed and discarded. Gloves peeled off and thrown in a corner, shaking, cramping fingers worrying at the closures beneath the ridge of her chest piece.

Sweaty hair fell in her eyes, as she struggled, pushing it back with a hand that streaked her face with blood and mud until the whites of her eyes stood out sharply in the gloom. Pain; burning, acid heaviness radiated out of every muscle that struggled to keep her upright and moving forward. Ragged breathing filled the air, sharp gasps that broke the thick silence until it seemed to fill her ears with a constant roar that made her head pound still harder.

The seals under her left arm were jammed, fused shut from the vicious collision with the side of a building that had dazed her and left her concussed in the middle of the line of fire until someone on the team, she still didn't know who, had put a shoulder to her and rolled them both behind an abandoned gravcar before sprinting off again. She'd lain there, head lolling to the side for an age, mind clear of thoughts and mercifully, blessedly blank. She could see her legs stretched out in front of her, her back uncomfortably slumped against the empty door frame. Everything was silent. She could see nothing, hear nothing. Nothing made sense. There was no one. Just her, and the piece of shattered concrete that she could see from where her head rested against the seat that was wedged halfway out the door of the car. A fine web of cracks emanated from the hole of an impact that had displaced chunks of asphalt and thrown dust into the air. Motes swirled around her, catching the light that filtered weakly from above, from beyond the haze of smoke and ash that covered the sky.

It would be so easy. It would be so easy to let go, to close her eyes and wander away from consciousness to the infinite peace of nothingness. What a thing it would be not to _feel_ for a moment. To not to have to struggle against doubt and pain and fatigue for a brief, glorious second and forget the world. Step away from the burden of her existence, the existence of every other living being in the universe. What a privilege it would be to not be alive.

Exhaustion burned through her every cell as her eyes fluttered open and shut lazily, half out of focus. Still somehow separate from the world, a ghost that cannot see, nor be seen. Absent, incongruous, inconsequential. A being, a nothing, a shadow among a sea of life that sweeps her away until nothing makes sense anymore.

She struggled with the seals, wrenching and pulling until they popped, ripping off the flexible plates that lay beneath the hardsuit until she was almost, _almost_ free. The last, nearest her shoulder, was warped so badly that there was not even a hint of give and she cried out as she pushed the chest piece away from her. The right side was open, and the right shoulder, they flexed apart a little as her arms shook with the effort, head sliding through the neck opening until she was free and sliding the still-joined chest and back pieces down her left arm and sent them crashing to the floor.

She stood, breathing hard, not noticing the blood that dripped down her fingers to the floor. A snapped catch too close to her skin as she pulled the armour off, a stinging streak of red that reached down her arm. Bending down to grasp her thigh guard, her knee gave way and she hit the floor with a grunt of pain. Her eyes were shut tight as she curled around herself and it washed over her; a revitalised burning, stinging internal shriek of protest from her battered body.

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths.

Determined. Focus.

Finish the task. Finish the mission.

A hand pushed the larger locks of her leg armour open, sweaty and mud streaked until they too lay among the pile of ruined gear. Its marks were a cacophony of protesting screams from almost-but-not-quite bullets, glancing blows and near misses. A record of her struggles, not in words, but in scars. Then they were gone, pushed away with the boots that landed on the floor soon after. She slumped against the panel behind her, grounding and safe in her broken state. Her skin burned against it, sweat needling her eyes as they fluttered closed, breathing sluggish and laboured.

Someone had grabbed her hand, wrenching her shoulder as they dragged her along the ground, away from the gravcar and its isolation in the middle of the street. The sounds of fighting that filtered through the haze of her mind were closer, sharp cracks of bullets that streaked over their heads and great thudding booms of grenades and the accompanying smash and rain of shattered rock that skittered across the ground afterwards. The figure tugged her along by the arm, holding another prone body in its other arm as it pounded the road in retreat to safer ground. Shepard nearly vomited as she crashed down into a crater and her shoulder wrenched from the socket, mercifully slipping back in with another jerk as they reached the other side.

And then a rushing, booming blast of air and she was flying. Limp, weightless, a ferocious heat searing her skin and lifting her up and away. The hand was torn from her grip and she was alone, eyes stretched wide and screaming until there was no air left to breathe.

And then she fell.

One hand forward, raw, angrily red under the burns that had seared through the protective kevlar weave of her glove. One knee, coloured by the decaying blood that lingered beneath the skin in a grotesque reminder of impact too hard for delicate capillaries. Another hand, stretching forward. She crawled toward the bathroom, each movement a scream of pain from joints and muscles that had been abused beyond their limits and then over again. Her compression suit was torn in places, the left sleeve flapping open lazily with each jerky movement forward, soaked with sweat and salt and fear.

The cool tile beneath her fingers was a relief when it came. A promise of letting go, forgetting the slithering, aching fear that still coursed through her veins until it was all she could do to keep moving forward, reach the goal. One hand reached behind her and tugged at the zip of her suit, pulling until cool air rushed to her clammy skin beneath. The neck clasp swung free where it had been ripped free. The neck guard of her armour had been shredded in the explosion. Tugging it over her head and peeling away the torso, she growled low in her chest as the raw skin of her burned belly came away with it. She pulled away the the last of it over her legs and slumped again, head cracking against the wall until her mind swam again with pain and exhaustion and desperation. Why couldn't she have just let go. It was too much. This was too much. She had nothing left to give, the struggle had taken everything from her and left her an empty shell of her former self that moved and breathed but didn't _live._

Her hand moved to hit the holo on the wall and she gasped as warm water sprayed over her as she curled up in the corner of the shower. Streaks of mud and blood gurgled down the drain and the water poured down on her head, plastering her hair to her face and covering her eyes. She didn't notice. She couldn't breathe, sobs heaving from deep within her, gasping and tearing at her chest. Great shuddering rasps welled up and exploded from her as she cried, collapsed on the floor of the shower.

No one was coming.

No one could help.

Why couldn't she just die?


	2. Chapter 2

She stares at the stars. They are different to the ones she watched on Mindoir. There are fewer, duller, they don't seem to have that comforting twinkle she remembers as a child. Her father used to sit with her in the hammock that slung between two trees behind their house, his arms encircling her as she curled into his chest. He was always warm; a solid and tangible reminder that she was loved. When it was cold they would bring cushions and thermocycler blankets so they could stay there, way past her bedtime if they could get away with it. If her mother was distracted by something inside, they would sometimes stay out there for hours. They didn't say much. They didn't need to. He would point out the constellations. Ascaris, with its trailing tail of light that emerged from the nebula. Spirallae, twisting in a vortex around the red dwarf that always dominated the sky during the night. Entium that seemed to shoot outwards with a hundred thousand tiny rays from a single point, so far away. Well, it was far away now.

The ground is hard beneath her body, but the discomfort seems distant, as if it were not quite actually there. No sound breaches the oppressive silence, not a whisper of wind in the trees nor the ragged breaths that she can feel in her chest. The shockwave of the bomb had engulfed her, tossing her across the rooftop until she was falling, flailing limbs and wide eyes as windows rushed past in brief flashes. Then all the air was sucked from her lungs and she was slamming into the ground, her armour grinding along the surface as it tried and failed to stiffen and shield her from the impact. Time had passed, uncounted, unnoticed.

The sky is dark. Not completely, in the way of Earth, but a half-light from a deep ruby veil that throws shadows over everything until the world is a maze of dim shapes and blind corners that yawn ahead, daring you to step into the open. She turns her head, feeling the neck plates of her armour scrape together from the warping of repeated impacts. A fiery pain streaks down her spine, blinding her until all she can see is that scarlet sky, emblazoned on her eyelids as they squeeze shut to exclude the world.

Shapes swim into focus as she blinks, eyes stinging with the sweat that is still trickling down her forehead. She's losing too much moisture. There are only a few sips left in the pack tucked into the hollow of her armour, and no food to speak of. The fight has taken too much from her.

She can see the distant flashes from the fight, now moving away from her sprawled body until even they peter out and die. There is no one to look for her. She left without a word, without a plan, without back up. Thrown herself into a fight that wasn't hers. The settlement needed help, it was true, but that only felt like half the reason she had taken this. There was no good reason to have gone alone. No justification to take such an extraordinary risk.

She wasn't afraid of death. It didn't haunt her as it had once done, a constant presence in her life that dealt blow after blow until she was spent, unable to carry on. Death was a jealous companion, selfish and greedy. He takes everyone in the end.

With an effort she shifts to face the stars again, the pinpricks of light that somehow seemed to flicker in and out of sight until she wasn't sure they were there at all. In the end, that's all she was. A failing light in a sea of others that couldn't hold on until it was swept away in the tide of night.

A deep, steadying breath. Her eyes closed.

She can't feel her legs.

* * *

So it's now a two-shot, thanks for reading. I was feeling a bit rubbish so I scribbled this down. How'd I do?

-AT


	3. Chapter 3

So in terms of time line this is sort of a hybrid between ME1 and ME2... just go with it! Please (pretty please) leave a review. I'm not sure if I should keep writing these.

They'd landed in an abandoned warehouse, dust and debris littering the floor that was still stacked with crates waiting for shipment. It had been a trade city that sprawled across the soft sandstone of the flat plain, sitting next to an immense spaceport and dry-dock facility. Grav-cranes stretched into the sky next to stacked cargo containers ready to be moved or unloaded into the great warehouse district that surrounded them. Cavernous buildings lined the streets below, housing factories producing thrusters, Eezo cores, heat sink technology and synthetic hull materials.

Most of the large transports and civilian ships were built, or had their materials purchased from here. It was on the edge of the Annos basin, close enough to the Citadel to make the trip relatively painless but far enough away that the taint of political bickering didn't quite reach them. No doubt on purpose, as obeying trade regulations was considered an unnecessary hindrance here. The close proximity to the Salarian homeworld meant their many engineers propelled technology on the planet forward faster than the rest of the universe: all the newest drive cores, heat dissipaters and mass effect generators originated here.

When the planet had been attacked, the Alliance had panicked. Despite their avowed disbelief of the Reaper threat, EDI had found internal documents commissioned after the Battle of the Citadel that painted a sobering picture of naval readiness. Most of the battle-class frigates were still damaged from the struggle, and supplies were severely limited as each raced scrambled to repair their fleets. The SS _Midway_ had lain in drydock for months, awaiting a new shield matrix overlay for its upper left wing. It lay on its side now, the wing completely shorn away and the hull torn open like a tin can. It had toppled off its supports with an almighty screech of metal wrenching apart as explosions blasted through its foundation. The bare skeletons of several half-built ships lay heaped around it in a warped, disorganised pile: the sum total of the Alliance's pitiful efforts to shore up their defences. It was galling to see really, it wasn't as if they hadn't been warned. Repeatedly. Anderson and Hackett had listened, but the Council and Alliance command just hadn't wanted to face the possibility of another threat of such magnitude so soon after Sovereign had been defeated.

They had been fighting for 60 hours now, clearing out the mass of husks that yawed their defiance with hoarse and desperate shrieks. Marauders had followed with another wave of husks that nearly overwhelmed them, scrabbling at their limbs until Shepard was forced to beat them away with the base of her shotgun. She hadn't had time to switch out the heat sink, or even grab her sidearm. Somehow they had gotten through it and fallen back into the darkness to try another plan of attack. Keeping to the shadows, she, Garrus and Alenko had spent the preceding night stealing through the districts on foot after abandoning the gravcar they had commandeered. Collector patrols were difficult, but not impossible to detect before they were seen. Alenko had recently coded a thermal scanner into his omnitool, powered by his corona, which had kept them mostly out of trouble. He could only run it for a few moments at a time for fear of overtaxing his amp or his energy reserves, but at last they had penetrated the complex that seemed to be the source of the horde.

Navigating through the ventilation system, Shepard, Alenko and Garrus had made it down to the basement storage unit to find six large tanks full to the brim with jet fuel. That was where the fun began. Alenko had been pale by then, sweat beading on his upper lip while he kept the thermal scanner going constantly as Garrus and Shepard set the bomb next to the fuel tank lines. It was too much of a risk to rely on a signal getting through to the device for remote detonation, so they gambled, and set the timer for a short fuse and ran.

Unfortunately for them a patrol had rounded the corner as Shepard wriggled out of the basement access shaft onto the street and all hell broke loose. Garrus who had come out first and was farthest into the street had dived into cover, scrambling for his assault rifle as Shepard grabbed Alenko's arm, pulling him through the shaft opening and dragging him by the hand around a corner of a building into a tiny alcove that just fitted the two of them. Shepard pressed his panting body into the wall, risking a look around the corner as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against it. She snapped back to cover as a volley of gunfire missed her face by inches, crushing herself into him and holding him there until the screaming whine stopped. Obviously the stupid things had found the gun fabrication storage units. She was breathing hard now too, misting her visor until she slapped the release on the side of her head and it cycled up, revealing two dark, concerned eyes.

"Alenko? Are you alright? Kaidan?" she moved her fingers to hit the switch on the side of his helmet as well. He was definitely pale and sweaty now, lips white and thin as his jaw clenched.

"Nothing to worry about Ma'am." he ground out, closing his eyes against the sudden light. He had dimmed his visor and turned the contrast up so he could see with minimal light input. Not now. Please, not now.

"Kaidan what's wrong? Are you hit?" He could feel her hands, covered by her kevlar gloves skimming over his neck and torso as she looked for bullet wounds or blood.

" 'm fine ma'am, honestly. Just... a little too enthusiastic with the amp." he said.

She scrutinised him for a moment, holding his gaze through his half-lidded eyes and frowning a little.

"We have to move, Kaidan, we can't stay here. Are you ok to get to the safe zone? I can try and get a shuttle in..." she trailed off. They both knew that was wishful thinking.

"I'm good to go ma'am, not much choice anyway is there," he said, winking and cycling his visor down again. She didn't hear him sighing with relief as the light dimmed. She smiled back at him a little, still looking doubtful before briefly putting a hand on his arm and giving it a gentle squeeze. Her eyes had softened in the way that always made his heart beat faster, the way they only did for him. What he wouldn't give to lose himself in those eyes for a few hours...a few days, a few years. _Snap out of it dammit,_ he told himself, wincing mentally. _Middle of a firefight, oncoming migraine, bomb about to vaporise the immediate area. Stay focused._

"We're almost there lieutenant," she said, reaching to lower her visor as well. "I've got your back"

Her hand was still on his arm, a gentle pressure of her fingers seconding her promise. He tried to form a coherent response from behind the growing veil of pain that was enveloping his brain and the hypersensitivity to her touch.

"I know, ma'am." he said, and he could hear the smile in his voice, and see the shadow of her own behind her lowered visor.

Shepard's last grenade, held until the fuse ticked down and well placed in the doorway the husks were emerging from collapsed the structure and let Garrus sprint over to them. With a grunting effort and a wave of nausea Kaidan pulled up the thermal scanner, only able to hold it for a moment before he sagged against the wall, breathing hard.

"Down there," he said, pointing down a darkened alley that had yet to be lit with the fluorescent strips that turned the rest of the city into daylight. "Most direct route, can... can go through the maintenance tunnels."

Within a minute they were climbing down a manhole, Garrus leading the way with the flashlight on his rifle, Shepard following and Kaidan with his eyes now shut tight and gripping the rungs of the old fashioned ladder hard beneath his clenched fists. His right eye was blurred now, just a little in the middle, the way it always was before a big one. He stumbled on the third last rung, collecting Shepard as he fell backwards and hit his head on the concrete wall, hard. White-hot fire erupted in his brain as he cried out, streaking from his temples to behind his eyes and settling into a throbbing rage at the top of his skull. In a moment Shepard was up, despite having taken the brunt of the fall and pulled him up by his arm. He staggered against her and hit the wall again with a grunt of pain. His legs just couldn't carry his weight anymore, the heat was spreading from his amp port down his spine and tendrils working their way down his back.

Blood thundered in his ears as he struggled to swallow down the bile in his throat, ripping off his helmet with fumbling fingers and drawing in deep lungfuls of icy air. It stung his face until he could just open his eyes again in the dank tunnel, feel Shepard pulling his arm over her shoulder and beginning to tow him down the shaft, cramming the helmet back over his face.

"Move it Shepard, two minutes to go!" Garrus yelled, dashing back towards them to help Shepard support Kaidan's weight until she barked at him.

"Light the way and watch for goddamn husks Garrus!" It rang through Kaidan's ears, crashing and resounding until he thought the echoes and waves of deep, lingering fire would never stop.

And so they ran. Kaidan doing his best to keep one foot moving in front of the other, Shepard taking most of his weight and somehow keeping them upright as they sprinted clumsily down the tunnel that sloped gently downwards, towards the bay that lined one side of the city. Garrus kept his rifle up, splashing yellow light over the exposed concrete and checking his map every moment to see how close they were to the safe zone.

With thirty seconds to go Shepard gave up on towing him and with an almighty effort lifted him and sprinted for the mouth of the tunnel they could see again. Garrus dropped the gun into its mount and grabbed Kaidan's other arm and, with him supported between them, they ran the last remaining metres to the mouth of the tunnel.

"Fuck!" Shepard swore, looking out of the opening to the sea of water and a ten metre drop to the surface. There as nothing around them but smooth rock face, no way up or down or back. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"We'll have to jump!" yelled Garrus, motioning to his omnitool. "We'll still risk catching the edge of the blast in here, we're too exposed!"

Shepard looked desperately at Kaidan, biting her lip at the sound his rapid breathing and clammy face that lay in shadow beyond the helmet. There was nothing she could do, no way out but to jump. Kaidan was so weak he would risk drowning without support, particularly with the weight of his full combat armour and the weapons at his hip and back. Her jaw clenched as she hit the opening mechanism on the side of his helmet, and it slid open with a hiss. Sealed suits hadn't been necessary for the atmospheric conditions so it would just fill with water and suffocate him faster. Her eyes were bright when her own visor lifted, holding him steady by his upper arms and staring into his.

"Don't you fucking die on me Alenko, you hear?" she growled softly, moving a hand up to rest at the juncture of his shoulder and his neck. "Just keep fucking breathing!" He could see the desperation in her eyes, the guilt that she had asked him to push himself so hard, to risk his life for this.

She leaned close, moving them to the edge of the drop and finally wrapping her hands around his waist and locking her wrists together with clutching fingers. Her arms tightened and her face was suddenly buried in his neck before the world lurched and cold air was whipping around them.

It seemed to take an age, that fall. A tremendous booming blast sounded as they cleared the tunnel opening, great tongues of fire leaping into the air and curling around them until Kaidan thought he would scream. All he could feel were Shepard's arms wrapped tight around his waist, her shaking shoulders as they fell and she prayed to some unknown god that they would survive this.

They twisted in the air, Kaidan's legs flying loose and arms struggling to stay close to his body while they fell. His eyes snapped open an he could see the water rising up too fast to meet them, the promise of a landing as hard as concrete from that height. His arms finally wrapped around her at the last moment, clutching her to him in terror and pain. Then the realisation that they had twisted again, and her back was to the dark water that was almost upon them, and he screamed, trying to pull her away with his weight and stop her taking the impact of both their bodies hitting the surface.

But it was too late. There was nothing he could do.

He took a deep breath, clenching his eyes shut and crushing her to him.

Then-


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard had stalked back into the ship upon their return, ignoring Tali's questions and barrelling straight through a gaggle of engineers surveying the damage to the shuttle toward the elevator. At the back of the bay Kaidan pushed his sweaty hair out of his eyes and tossed his helmet onto the workbench that was littered with weapons waiting to be cleaned and processed.

It hadn't gone well. Hackett had promised their last mission before a long-awaited return to the Citadel and shore leave would be a quick one. "In-and-out", he had promised. That "minor detour" had turned into a week long scouting mission that had them all on edge from sheer boredom and frustration. The Comm buoy in the system had picked up encyrpted transmission signals that matched Cerberus codes, and the Normandy had been sent to root them out. Cerberus had suffered with Shepard's departure, and while cells still operated the reputation of the organisation had been declining rapidly as stories of their misguided attempts to 'aid humanity' came to light.

There was nothing but a few fragmentary lines that had been caught from the transmission, and no signal tracing worth a damn. It seemed that their communications array was no longer fully able to mask outgoing signals, probably because of poor maintenance. Good to know that it wasn't just the Alliance that was being hit by supply shortages, Kaidan had thought.

It had taken three full days with both the Normandy and the shuttle scouting to catch another communication, and even then it was so short that Joker and EDI could get nothing more than a rough guess of Cerberus' position a few klicks square. Not wanting to push their chances of detection, Shepard had sent the Normandy further back into the system as she, Garrus and Kaidan took the shuttle down to the surface to search the target area on foot. From then on, for a further two days there was radio silence from the Normandy since they didn't want to risk their own communications this close to the Cerberus detection equipment that was no doubt close by. Two days of scaling over rocky outcroppings, tramping over plains and dodging the local wildlife (shelled bugs with pincers and huge buggy eyes that Garrus seemed to be unusually uncomfortable around) and they were all heartily sick of the task, and cursing Hackett to high heaven.

On the third day they finally located and stormed the base, hidden in the side of a cliff face that concealed a small entrance beyond its shadows. From then on, mercifully, the work was easy. They slipped into the well-worn pattern they had of supporting, covering and pushing forward until the Cerberus soldiers were all dead, and Kaidan had fried all the electronic equipment with a charge he'd developed as a grenade mod without having to physically blow the place and risk a tunnel collapse.

By then they were all tired, dirty and desperate for food that wasn't nutrient paste and energy bars that all tasted the same kind of bland. They'd climbed aboard the shuttle secreted a little way away from the camp, behind a fringe of peaks that hid the site from view. Shrugging off her rifle and hanging her helmet from a hook next to her on the console, Shepard took the controls and at last fired up the drive core to bring them away from the planet surface. She could practically hear the sighs of relief from the others.

And then a siren had blared, red lights flashing on the holo controls and the shuttle careered to the left as a blast sounded, heading straight for the peaks they had been hiding behind. Swearing, Shepard grabbed the controls as if she could physically touch them, hauling to the right as the shuttle veered towards the craggy mountainside that was coming in fast. They were spinning out of control, jerking as a thruster sputtered and they lost altitude, speed bleeding away at an alarming rate. Garrus clipped himself onto the safety tether in the hold behind Shepard and punched the side door open to scan for the threat that had hit them.

"Rocket launcher, our 8'o'clock- they're reloading now and there's a bloody _crate_ of ammo next to them!"

"Guess we missed one then." Shepard ground out, managing to pull the nose of the craft out of its precipitous dive to level out parallel to the mountain. The thruster on the left side was still coughing a little but had seemed to get it together enough to keep them flying in a straight line with some semblance of control.

"I'm going to bring her around for a pass; Garrus, are you ready to fire?" Shepard yelled. Just as Garrus opened his mouth to response they hit a thermal current and the whole shuttle vibrated violently, knocking him askew to the other side of the small hold with a resounding _crack_ of his head on the crew rail. He lay there for a moment, suspended by his tether and groaned, blue blood dripping from his head.

"Fuck! Kaidan get the controls." She ordered, barely waiting for him to land in the co-pilot's seat before launching out of hers and clipping her own tether onto the support behind them. A huge _boom_ shattered the air behind them and the shuttle was buffeted again, and Shepard herself was thrown towards the open bay door until her tether snapped tight and stopped her fall. Cursing, she righted herself and knelt, pulling the clip of her line to a lower rail so she could crouch. Kaidan had kept the craft as steady as he could, and now wove to the other side of the peak line to shield them from the ground attacks.

"We can't sustain more damage if we're going to make it to the upper atmo for pick up Shepard!" he said through clenched teeth, fighting to keep a straight trajectory.

"Just give me one pass, I'm not leaving any stragglers after everything we've gone through on this shithole!" she yelled back, and Kaidan couldn't help half a grin at her attitude.

"One!" He said, preparing to bring them around the peaks again and into range of the launcher. "Then we have to get genius there to Chakwas!"

She grunted in response and settled her the butt of her sniper rifle onto her shoulder in a well practiced movement, sighting down the scope to calibrate her depth perception and then looking around it to locate the enemy. It was a single Cerberus heavy in bulky white armour standing in the shadow of the cliff face, already lifting the launcher again from his waist where he had been reloading. She found him in her scope and settled into her rhythm, blocking out sound and smells and everything except the figure before her. Take a breath. Measure your heartbeats. One shot.

She held, waiting as the shuttle wavered again in the air as a gust of wind came through.

"Shepard, get going..." murmured Kaidan into the comm, still fighting to give her a steady platform against the gusting air and stuttering thruster.

One more second. Pick your moment. Don't rush. The launcher had reached the heavy's shoulder and he was sighting them down himself, the ugly conical nose of the rocket looming in Shepard's scope. She could see his arms make last minute adjustments, his finger moving towards the trigger. The shuttle was still too jerky, she couldn't guarantee a kill-shot. Hold. _Don't rush you stupid fuck,_ she could almost hear her Sergeant yelling in her ear when she had first picked up a sniper rifle.

"Damn it Shepard!" Kaidan yelled, panic in his voice.

Her breaths came even and slow, the rifle well-weighted and familiar in her hands.

She could see his finger curl around the trigger but the shuttle was still rising, his chest swinging in and out of her crosshairs as she watched.

 _Don't rush_. _Breathe_.

The crack from her rifle was deafening in the confined space, coupled with the deeper rumble of the rocket launcher firing. She could hear Kaidan yell incoherently, banking sharply in a futile attempt to avoid the rocket streaking towards them through the sky. _Shit. Shit shit shit. She bloody missed._ he thought, blinking the sweat out of his eyes and feeling cold fear slither down his spine to the pit of his stomach. They were done for now, he had seen the man on the ground as he fired and could already tell his aim was true.

A fraction of a second had passed, adrenaline making everything slow and warped into a surreal moment of utter blankness. There was nothing left, that was it. Game over.

Then, an explosion _._ Not close by, as he expected, but echoing from far away. And, _BOOM, BOOM, BOOM_. The shuttle stayed on its trajectory instead of being blasted off course by the rocket. He eased off the throttle and banked toward the target, fighting to see through the dust what the hell had happened. As the swirling wind caught and carried it away, a crater that gouged six feet into the ground emerged, smoking with no a trace of the man that had stood there seconds earlier.

Kaidan spun in his seat, staring back at the figure now sitting back on her heels in the bay door, silhouetted by the bright sky outside. He could just see the grin that stretched over her features.

"Couldn't get the shot on him," she said, standing and slinging her rifle back onto is place on her back as it retracted into its storage position. "Shame really, I wanted to play with that rocket launcher. Took out the crate instead." Kaidan gaped like a goldfish, eyebrows so far up his forehead they almost reached his hairline.

"Come on." She sighed and scrubbed her hands over her face, suddenly exhausted and frustrated at the memory of the last week. "Looks like Garrus scrambled some brain cells, and I'm ready to leave this place in my eezo trail."

* * *

It was four hours since their return now and Kaidan hadn't seen hide nor hair of Shepard since her stormy exit from the cargo hold. She hadn't appeared at dinner and though she'd apparently talked with Chakwas over comms, she hadn't seen Garrus in the medbay. He had a mild concussion and a nasty laceration on his temple but was fine aside from that, and now being proded awake by Chakwas every half-hour to check for signs of degeneration of his neural functions. Apparently Turian skulls were made of stronger stuff than humans, but that came with the added risk of a more serious concussion.

It was late in the nightcycle now and Kaidan couldn't settle down enough to sleep despite being bone-tired. He had showered and changed into a hoodie and trackpants, and was sitting idly at his terminal, scrolling through the extranet without really taking any of it in. He was more distracted by his concern for Shepard.

"Major Alenko?" EDI's voice sounded from his terminal and he jumped, accidentally flaring at the interruption.

"Uh, yes EDI, what is it?"

"You asked me to inform you when Shepard left her cabin. She is currently on the elevator heading down to the cargo hold."

The hold? Unusual choice. It would be deserted down there at this hour but Kaidan couldn't imagine what would draw her down there at this time.

"Thanks EDI."

He paused, then with a pang of guilt at the invasion of her privacy brought up the video feeds from the hold in time to see her stepping out of the elevator with, of all things, a basketball. That was new. He hesitated another moment, wavering between interrupting her and just letting her work through her frustrations on her own. When she flung the ball at the wall with such vehemence that the audio feedback made him wince, it was decided.

 _'Need some company?'_ he typed into his omnitool, hitting send before he could second guess himself. Perhaps she just needed space. A few seconds passed as he stared at the message inbox and nothing appeared. Definitely trying to think of a way to let him down lightly. He had almost finished a self-deprecating message explaining that it was ok to say no when his omnitool pinged.

' _In the cargo bay._ ' she'd written back. He had to stop himself from jumping up too quickly and speed-walking to the elevator but couldn't quite achieve the nonchalance he'd wanted to show for the cameras. In a few minutes, the elevator settled to a stop at the cargo bay and the doors slid open with a hiss.

She was standing in the clear area beyond the Kodiak, throwing the ball against the wall with an easy rhythm and economy of movement that she'd certainly been a good player at some time in her life. The passes were firm and true, a mix of chest and bounce passes that rebounded off the wall until Shepard caught them with easy confidence and send them sailing away again.

She didn't stop what she was doing as he walked a few steps further into the cavernous space and leaned against Cortez's workbench as he watched her.

"I didn't know you could play." he said quietly, voice low and a little husky. He should have guessed really, she was brilliant at just about anything physical.

"I was being scouted for a College team and a scholarship to transfer to Earth before the raid. Basketball was sort of on the backburner after that. Part of another life, really."

He could remember reading the historical reports about the angry, resentful teenage Shepard that had raged at the world after the raid on Mindoir, refusing to be pinned down in one place by the foster system until finally she ran away from the home she'd been assigned to at 16 and didn't re-emerge until her enlistment two years later. She never spoke about what had happened or where she'd been during that time, but a haunted caste fell over her eyes any time it came up and Kaidan had learned not to push it. She would tell him if, and when she was ready. He hoped someday she would trust him enough to let him in that close again. In the months since he had rejoined the Normandy she had relaxed her curt detachment toward him into an almost friendly banter, but had yet to really let him back into her life. Having her so close to him after such a long separation, and so much history between them was difficult, but he had promised himself he would be patient and earn her trust again. It wasn't easily conferred, but once given she would walk through fire for anyone lucky enough to have gained it. He had doubted, he had paid for it, and now he was doing his penance. The last weeks had been better and he had accompanied her on more ground missions, but something was still waiting to click in her demeanour. It wasn't unfriendly so much as still a little distant. But she had invited him down here when she wasn't feeling her best, and that was a good sign right?

"So are you going to stand there or are we going to dance?" She said, catching the ball once again and tucking it under her arm, an eyebrow quirked and a crooked grin on her face. He grinned back, an uptick in his heartbeat sending adrenaline through his system and he shrugged off his hoodie down to his loose black shirt that had had the sleeves cut off years back. He liked unrestricted movement when he trained. Tossing the jacket aside he caught Shepard's eyes trailing along his arms and to his chest before they moved back up to his face, the grin widening.

"Bringing out the big guns I see." she said and Kaidan reddened a little, only making her smile wider. With a quiet chuckle she turned and lifted the lid of a crate next to her and let her corona flow over her skin, rippling blue that distorted her outline and gave her an ethereal quality that never failed to fascinate him. Arms extended she lifted a hoop from the crate, complete with backboard, up to the wall and a hidden bracket he'd never noticed, letting it settle until it gave a satisfying click and the dark energy dissipated. Kaidan looked at her, eyebrows raised.

'I had the techs put it up during the last retrofit," she said, shrugging one shoulder and shedding her own N7 hoodie. "There's only so many miles you can do on that damn thing before it gets mind-numbing.", jerking her head toward the treadmill in the corner. It was an advanced model that relied on a mass effect field that cycled like the old belts, but could alter its surface depending on the choice of VR program by the user. The inbuilt holo-projector allowed you to run anywhere on Earth by adapting satellite mapping technology, but after all that innovation they still couldn't really break the feeling of running hard and getting nowhere fast. It just wasn't the same as the real thing.

He nodded in agreement, rolling his shoulders and jumping on the spot a few times to start warming up his muscles. From her stance a few feet away she couldn't help letting her eyes linger on the way his muscles moved under his skin, wondering if they still felt the same way they had three years ago. Tactile memory was a funny thing she'd found, eerily strong and sometimes persistent beyond expectation. She had traced those lines so many times she couldn't imagine not falling back into that rhythm if she ever got that close to him again. She shook her head slightly, bouncing the ball idly and dragging her eyes away from him. ' _Get a grip, Shepard'_ she thought focusing on bringing the ball close to the ground without losing control of the bounce, just as she had done at fifteen.

"So," he said, jogging on the spot again, oblivious to her ogling. "Best of what?"

She rocked back on her heels, surveying him with a scrutinising eye.

"Best of 15 and we go hard." she said, shooting the ball to him with such speed that he took half a step back when he caught it, fumbling in his fingers. It was already late and though they would be in transit toward the Citadel for the next day or so they both had work to catch up on in the next day cycle.

"Done," he said, testing a few bounces before looking up to meet her warm brown eyes and see her half smile. "Take it easy on the new guy alright?"

Her smile turned wolfish as her eyes narrowed. "Not a chance, buddy."

He chuckled, moving back to the seam in the floor the approximate distance of the half-court and waited for her to take her position. She was a few steps away from him in a relaxed stance, as if she were about to take a potshot at a tin can in the backyard. Kaidan wasn't fooled. She was slowly tensing her muscles, ready to spring on the offensive. He rolled his neck to each side, feeling the tightness ease with a satisfying crack, took a deep breath and bending low, crossed the line.

Three steps and two bounces in he felt her whip around him, lightning fast, snatching the ball from his grasp and spinning away with a whoop. She darted out of reach, took a few more strides and pulled off a perfect lay-up with practiced ease. Kaidan blinked. He hadn't even seen her coming.

"What happened to easy on the new guy?" he said, flummoxed but grinning at her as she jogged back with a broad smile on her own face.

"Dream on Kaidan, I never pull my punches!" Well that much was true. He readied himself again, determined to give her a run for her money and save his pride from a total whitewash. He turned, guarding the ball in a defensive dribble with her close behind him, yet still giving him room, waiting for her time to strike. Closing in on the hoop he half turned, bringing the ball up for a two-point shot when it was again smacked out of his hands and within seconds Shepard had landed it in the basket again. Hmm. Even he hadn't expected it to be that easy for her. It was 2-zip and he had nothing to answer with.

She chuckled at his chagrin and passed the ball back to him, starting further back to give him some room. This time he used his weight to charge forward and dart to the side as Shepard's hand snaked towards him, trying to catch the ball mid bounce. He managed to knock it away and execute a passable jump shot to land his first basket.

"Nice one," she said, catching his return pass. "Turns out Alenko can rise to the challenge after all!" He nudged her arm playfully as they reached the line, feeling her hot skin beneath his own and a thrill surged through his chest. She didn't move away until Kaidan backed up a few paces and took his stance on the balls of his feet. He was breathing hard.

She launched her attack again with blinding speed, dashing to his left before faking a dodge. He veered wildly in her direction but felt her passing under his arm to dance away from him with a laugh and a jump to find the basket again. 3-1.

"Damn it!" he said, more in disbelief than actual frustration. Her laugh rang out easily this time, echoing against the walls and with a quality he hadn't heard in it for a long time. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but it was different. Better somehow. He was still distracted when he started forward and paid for it by losing the ball again quickly and losing another point.

 _'Head in the game, Alenko._ ' he admonished himself as Shepard chuckled at his blank expression and lobbed the ball back to him.

"Something on your mind there buddy?" she said with a sly grin, stretching her arms wide and bending sideways in an obvious ploy to distract him. It was certainly working, he couldn't get his mind off the way her body moved with such grace; strong and powerful but with a finesse that had her running rings around him all the while barely breaking a sweat. She was so beautiful and she didn't realise it, and that just made it all the more noticeable to Kaidan. There was something about her subconscious confidence and complete ignorance of her own desirability that got to him every time. She had always been that way, but recent years seemed to have given her a deeper surety in herself and was even sexier than her previous blasé self-assurance, endearing though it was.

He shook himself, blinking his eyes back into focus and taking the ball again for the next point. Shepard looked far too self-satisfied for his liking, and he wasn't intending on letting her run away with the rest of the match.

"Come on," he said, bending his knees and gesturing at her to make her move. "You wanna dance? _Let's dance_."

The next twenty minutes were a flurry of measured steps, frenzied sprints and shouts of triumph mixed with groans of defeat. Kaidan used his bulk against her finesse and succeeded in stealing the ball from her a few times, but she still certainly held the upper hand. They traded points in ones and twos, Kaidan never falling too far behind but also not approaching her total as the game continued.

He would muscle past her to leap and land one directly into the basket and she would return fire on the next point, flashing around him to dunk with another of her exultant whoops before they returned to the line. The third time she got around him by cheekily bouncing the ball between his legs, he finally admitted that he hadn't a hope in hell of besting her in this particular field. A shit-eating grin now stretched over her features as they lined up for the final push. 14-8, and she had already scored the last three last four baskets. Kaidan had managed to score the last point but he had no illusions as to holding her off much longer. She looked far too self-satisfied for his liking, but he had no answer to her speed and dexterity with the ball. He narrowed his eyes as she dribbled the ball at the line, taking her time to enjoy her triumph before restarting the game.

She wiggled her eyebrows at him suggestively and her eyes narrowed. "Catch me if you can, baby."

That does it. It was time to play dirty. Adjust the odds in his favour.

"Oh I will." he growled back, settling down into his defensive position and returning her smirk, readying himself for the play. A second later, she was moving. She moved to his right this time, guarding the ball behind her and waiting for him to dart in and make a grab or muscle her off it as he had been doing. Instead, keeping and open stance and tracking across the impromptu court with her he waited for her to launch away from him and head for the hoop. At the last moment, as she put on a spurt of speed he darted in close and wrapped his arms around her, choking the shot that had almost left her hands and letting the ball fly wide of the basket.

He chuckled evilly as he used her momentum to spin her in his arms and pull her close, giddy as he felt her arms circle his neck. They were both breathing hard, a sheen of sweat glowing on her forehead as he leaned close, close enough to feel the heat emanating from her and catch the scent of her soap that had always enchanted him. He grinned again, hand moving to cup her cheek and moving so their noses were almost touching. Her breath caught in her throat and her arms tightened at the nape of his neck as she stared into his warm, whiskey-coloured eyes.

"Got you," he said huskily.

"That's no fair!" she said breathily, mind stuttering at his proximity and the feel of his arms around her. God it was good to be held again.

He lips stretched wide in a grin that had her smiling back at him as he moved in closer.

"All's fair in love and war, Shepard."

* * *

A happy one at last! Too much angst weighs heavy on the heart, I think. As always, hope it was ok, and please let me know how I did.

Sayonara amigos,

-AT


End file.
